John makes Sherlock smile - Pt. 1
I currently regularly make gifs for Being Human UK, Sherlock, Justified and Defiance.
BUT THINK ABOUT IT EVERYONE WAS LIKE OH I HOPE HE WEARS A WHITE T-SHIRT I HOPE HE’S SHIRTLESS I HOPE HE’S IN A SUITY AND HE GAVE US ALL THE OPTIONS OKAY
"The boss has let the prime suspect go. Big mistake"
Oh damien, you gorgeous beautiful human being you.
Benedict did it - the ALS ice bucket challenge. As if there was ever any doubt. Benedict Cumberbatch’s #IceBucketChallenge for #MND
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I feel like I’m in a British telly drought, where are all the juicy shows?
Watch Suspects on Channel 5.
A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK
Grandson: Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh. Well thank you very much. Very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. All right.
The episode begins with a scene of John in a therapy session with Ella. People who seek therapy in an attempt to alleviate their psychological pain and better themselves as people are total losers, so the episode establishes what a pathetic sack of shit John is extremely early on. It’s interesting to watch John progress as a character from a pathetic loser to a pathetic loser and a violent psychopath within the span of one episode. Obviously he always had psychopathic tendencies, but they don’t become overt until he shoots a serial killer to save Sherlock’s life. What a scumbag.
Anyway, Anderson and Lestrade are introduced because there’s a murder or something. Anderson looks sexy with his facial hair and glasses and Lestrade looks like an ugly ferret. It’s no wonder his wife divorces him.
Speaking of ugly, John looks even uglier than usual in this scene. I feel bad for Morgan Freeman or whatever his name is for being so physically unattractive. I’m glad Sherlock is so hot because I don’t think that I would be able to bear to watch the rest of the series if every other character was as fugly as John is.
Sherlock beats a corpse with a riding crop and flirts with Molly like he did in A Study in Pink. You can tell that Sherlock desperately wants to feel his penis claw at the inner walls of her vagina just by his expression in this scene. I don’t know why he wants to have sex with her so badly considering that she’s nowhere near as hot as he is, but the narrative has already made it obvious early on in the series that it will take a lot to satiate Sherlock’s sexual appetite, and we find out later that his libido doesn’t settle down until he falls in love with Mary and makes a conscious decision to seek a monogamous relationship with her.
John and Sherlock meet in a computer lab and John lets Sherlock borrow his phone. The reason why he’s looking at Sherlock with this expression in this shot is NOT because he’s attracted to Sherlock but because he’s picturing TITTIES BOUNCING UP AND DOWN in his head. It’s honestly pretty obvious if you actually pay attention and take off your homonormative lenses.
Sherlock also winks at John for some reason at the end of this scene. Maybe he mistook John for a hot woman, IDK.
Mrs Hudson is introduced and she makes the same misconception as she does in A Study in Pink about John and Sherlock sharing a room that Sherlock doesn’t bother to correct because it’s so obviously wrong, then Sherlock and John get in a cab together and Sherlock deduces more shit about John. John is an incredibly uninteresting person so I don’t know why Sherlock is even wasting his time getting to know him when he could be out having orgies with tons of hot women, but whatever.
Blah blah blah mystery blah blah blah Lestrade is ugly blah blah blah.
John limps pathetically and talks to Sally about Sherlock. Sally uses her PhD in clinical psychology to accurately determine that Sherlock is a psychopath and also foreshadows shit.
Sally looks different in this episode but I don’t know why. Did she style her hair differently? Whatever, I hate her anyway. Sherlock is always so nice to her and she’s such a bitch to him no matter how kindly he treats her. Fuck you, Sally.
Contrary to popular belief, John is not actually gazing up in awe at Sherlock in this scene, and this is once again something that would be blatantly obvious to everyone who watched it if we didn’t live in a homonormative society.
Let me tell you all what John is really focusing his attention on: THE MOON. HE’S GAZING UP AT THE MOON, DUMBASSES. HE LIKES LOOKING AT THE MOON BECAUSE THE MOON HAS A ROUND SHAPE AND IT SUBCONSCIOUSLY REMINDS HIM OF BREASTS, OKAY? BREASTS!!! God, you’re all so stupid. It’s a good thing that this fandom has me as the voice of reason.
Sherlock and John interact some more. Sherlock is unusually nice and John is his typical asshole self. This scene is one of the most interesting in the whole series because not only does it visually parallel the beginning of the movie Vampires Suck but it also uses the color pink to allude to the fact that Sherlock fucking loves pussy. The sexual imagery is rife here, and it’s a shame that John is in this scene because it would be so much better if he wasn’t. Fuck you, John.
The two of them go to Angelo’s restaurant. Angelo mistakes John for Sherlock’s date because he’s an unobservant moron and is jealous of Sherlock’s sex appeal with the ladies. Sherlock is kind enough to not correct him because he knows that Angelo is deluding himself into thinking that Sherlock is gay so that he can feel better about himself. SOUND FAMILIAR, FANDOM?
John gives Sherlock a sad look because he accidentally started thinking about dicks. You can tell by the shape of his dumb ears that he has cock on the mind. He asks if Sherlock has a girlfriend and Sherlock lies to him and says that girlfriends aren’t really his area even though they actually are.
Sherlock mistakenly thinks that John is hitting on him. It’s the only thing that he ever gets wrong in the entire series.
(BTW, Sherlock appears sexually frustrated here because he’s thinking of the luscious curves of the female body.)
Sherlock pretends to be drunk and then gets kidnapped by the creepy cabbie fucker guy. Some shit happens that no one cares about and then John viciously murders the cabbie for basically no reason. FUCK YOU AGAIN, JOHN. I liked the cabbie. He should have been the second main character instead of John.
John tries to justify his coldblooded murder while Sherlock’s mind is evidently preoccupied with thoughts of vaginas. (That’s why he’s smiling.) John says that he’ll sleep fine tonight even though he KILLED ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, THE FUCKING PRICK. Sherlock responds with “Quite right” because he deduces that John will get a good night’s sleep after masturbating furiously to fantasies involving naked women and murder.
The episode ends with them standing next to each other looking angry and unhappy. The tree in the background looks like a clitoris if you squint your eyes and stare at it for ten minutes. I’m not going to reveal which tree because it’s already obvious and you’re stupid if you don’t know.